Although this is cutting a long topic short, the principle remains the same (for me at least): you’re not meant to FALL in love. You RISE in love.
How/why? Love teaches you trust and through that you become a more independent and loving version of yourself for you and everyone else. Love sets you free.
Most people stay in unloving situations because they “fell in love” – fell into an idea of what love is based on the relationships they saw, and into the trap of dependency by allowing partners to validate their existence and purpose without discovering one for themselves. But, if you met someone who happened to make you strive for bigger and better based on the way they did for themselves then you’d be helping each other to rise, thereby emitting and embodying the action and emotion of what love actually is. For me, love is the emotion you radiate and are energised by from another, through loving actions which begin with yourself.
Finding “The One”
Naturally the question we all ask is: “how do you know when you’ve met the love of your life” and in my experience the answer is (frustratingly!) that you just know. I believe it can’t be defined because it can’t be measured. If love sets you free and triggers you to radiate your loving energy through being the realisation of who you fully are and what you have the potential to become, then how can you ever define it in your present reality from the perspective of just one half of what is yet to become a whole? This is not to sound like you’re worthless if you’re not in a relationship. Rather, what I mean is that we are all a wholesome and significant half of what craves another half to equal an ‘us’.
But now I have illustrated love’s greatest paradox – love requires someone (external) to determine whether your (internal) belief on pursuing love is accurate. In other words, you have to take a chance on someone to know if they are “the one”. This means that someone who is single cannot prove that they are noble in their intent to avoid jumping at any relationship until they meet someone worthy enough to settle with, and an unhappy couple cannot prove that greater happiness lies in them being with someone else unless they choose to be apart and find someone that made them happier. Either way you look at it love requires you to take a leap of faith. So, what do you do?
My advice is in remembering this: love isn’t about finding that fairy-tale ENDING where (princesses) you wait for someone to save you, or (princes) you attain someone in order to be considered accomplished. Both these perspectives falsely teach us that love is a submissive and dependent force. Instead what we must realise is that our clue to finding love is not in searching for the perfect person; it is about loving an imperfect person, perfectly.
Taken in this way we give recognition to that fact that we are equal to our partners because we all have flaws, but that despite these we will better ourselves to give the best we can through continually making the choice to display only positive actions towards them.
In the age of social media this principle is distorted somewhere between those seeking online instant-gratification and those delaying their destiny by comparing themselves to those who believe they must ‘have it all’ before being ready to settle down. Social media intensifies societal expectations of how love must be pursued because it creates a visual of what it is supposed to look like, therefore easily allowing us to identify and eliminate people by being judgemental to those who do not conform.
So, who are we to blame when this is all that we see? We definitely can’t go back and change the decisions we’ve made but now that we know differently we can certainly make better choices in future.
Let it be your purpose to show that love begins in being kind to yourself about matters of your intuitive heart, because only then do we allow ourselves to consciously understand our insecurities so that we can responsibly welcome someone in our lives to elevate us – rather than lazily just ‘settling for anyone’ which would avoid you putting in the work needed to better yourself.
Although this thought may seem abstract to the novices and sceptics among us, take a second to ask yourself why love would be expected to be found in any other way…
The true beauty of love would not be deserving of someone who held ugly thoughts about themselves or those around them. When you are entrusted with the responsibility of holding someone’s heart you must do so with their best interest and not your insecurity. You could insist here that only if a person is first presented with love can they really be inspired to change and begin to embody these concepts, but that isn’t true.
Many people are already in superficial, lustful or fleeting relationships because even when met with the smallest prospect of love they become irresponsible with it. People have the potential for love in their lives whilst operating with a personal imbalance of negative energies such as ego, pride, jealousy, and low self-esteem, which they then subconsciously project onto their “loved ones” in order to (ironically) feel or look better about themselves. Think here of control issues (which reveal someone’s need to feel dominant), trust issues (which reveal someone’s insecurity about not being good enough or not knowing/being able to put in the effort it takes to keep their partner in the relationship), as well others like lust (which reveal the need to objectify someone for personal pleasure).
Presented in this way why would you ever assume that anyone with the capacity to make selfish choices with just a glint of love to be rewarded with a remarkable, life-changing, all-encompassing, ever-lasting, fairy-tale kind of love? Think about it.
Truthfully ask yourself this: are you being you, loving you, in all ways, always? If so, you will never fall in love with an idea about how someone else makes you feel about yourself for you to better accept who you are in your present state. Instead you will be seeking someone to rise in love with to become better than what you were before they entered your life because they challenge and support you to fulfill your untapped potential and work on your flaws.
Love is many things but it is not as complicated as we make it out to be. If you are continually sincere about your intentions then your effort to love will be too. This is why you must work on trusting yourself first so that you can accurately identify love through all small acts of kindness as opposed to solely appearances or materialistic possessions. Discover the tiniest behaviours about someone to know who they are and where they are entering the relationship from because in the beginning the euphoria of love blinds us into silencing our intuition, only to find we have ourselves to blame for walking into the trap of falling in love, as opposed to vocally asserting our heart’s intent to fly high from the outset.
This is my view anyway. I hope this helps you somehow. Happy new year and may 2016 grant you the opportunities to discover love a little deeper than you knew before.
But then I met him, and he took much of what I was or believed and, putting his own stamp on it, handed it back to me like I had never seen it before. Perhaps that’s what love is – another’s desire to return you to yourself enhanced by their vision, graced by their handwriting.